“Think I care about you? If it were up to me, I’d take a wad of gum, stick it right on Andrew Jackson’s smug fucking face, crumple you up, stuff you in a pair of old dockers, throw you in a washing machine on permanent press, then hand you off to a toddler with a pair of scissors and a marker and tell him to make confetti.”
Like all Last Week Tonight sketches, the scene — where Jeff Goldblum in full Law & Order mode plays bad cop to a pile of cash — serves to satire a serious issue. In this case, it’s civil forfeiture, a “shady process [where]… police can just take your stuff if they suspect it’s involved in a crime.”
The biggest laughs, unsurprisingly, comes from the absurdity of the truth (e.g. “United States of America … v….