This past week in the presidential freak show:
Hillary’s email scandal is not exactly the gift that keeps on giving, it’s more like the re-gift that you keep on getting.
The latest, as reported by The New York Times, is that Hillary’s computer specialist, Paul Combetta, who deleted her emails despite being ordered by Congress to preserve them, was given immunity by the Justice Department. Combetta was given immunity and Clinton was given a pass.
Then there was Matt Lauer’s misnamed Commander-In-Chief Forum on Wednesday. (Don’t you have to be one to be called one?)
Anyway, Lauer’s Q&A aboard the battleship Intrepid was the biggest ship disaster since the sinking of the Titanic, more of a hot mess even than Kanye’s trashin’ cash-in fashion show.
Lauer softballed NBC reality star Donald Trump, but put Hillary’s feet to the fire — especially about her emails.
Donald Trump didn’t get hard-hitting questions from Matt Lauer.
He asked, “Why wasn’t (using a private email server) disqualifying, if you want to be commander-in-chief?”
Why didn’t he ask, for example, the most unasked question of all: “How is it possible that no one in the CIA, the State Department or the President’s office noticed they were sending and replying to emails at your cheeseball private email address, firstname.lastname@example.org?”
No wonder “intelligence” is an oxymoron in America.
In fact, now it seems that Clinton’s dopey backyard server was more secure than the government’s superservers.
From the supposedly secure federal servers, the Chinese hacked the personal information of 21.5 million federal employees, and the Russians hacked the DNC. Clinton’s cheap, $ 2 server never got hit as far as anyone knows. But then again, no one ever knows anything for sure with the Clintons.
Later in the week, Southern white man Bill Clinton, who seems desperate to kill off his wife’s chances, declared that Trump’s “Make America Great Again” slogan is actually Southern, white racist code.
Thing is? Bill used “Make America Great Again” in an ad for Hillary’s presidential bid back in 2008, according to Fox News.
Worse, Bill then added the very racially insensitive, “What Hillary wants to do is take the totem pole down and let us all go forward together!”
Seriously, Billary? Totem poles are sacred to Native Americans, they’re not some colloquialism to be thrown around by a white Southern guy to make a political point. Being the lowest on the totem pole is often the highest place of honor within some aboriginal communities. Oops.
Gaffes aside, Bill is not wrong, at least about Trump, and he isn’t, of course, the first person who’s called him the R-word.
A new book, “Donald Trump: The Man Who Would Be King,” from Blood Moon Productions, quotes a rant of Donald’s against Native Americans, of all people.
After he found out that Rep. Lowell Weicker had entered into a compact with the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation to build the Foxwoods casino, Trump whined to a U.S. House subcommittee, “(Weicker) favored the redskins over me.” Weicker fired back that Trump was a “dirt bag,” “con artist” and “a racist.”
Weicker wasn’t the first person — or the last — to say that either.
A new vibrating alarm clock is one interesting way for women to wake up.
(franck camhi/Getty Images/iStockphoto)
I WANT TO CLOCK THIS GUY
Who needs an alarm clock? Or even a man? But it was a man, Tony Maggs, who invented an alarm clock vibrator to give women an orgasm upon waking. Why? Because his girlfriend didn’t like the alarm clock and he wanted her to wake up happy.
Why it never occurred to him to use a more human way to wake her up with an orgasm than sleeping with a square vibrator in her underwear all night, I can’t say.
The plastic contraption, called the Little Rooster Alarm Clock Vibrator, which looks like an obsessive robot’s dustpan, lies outside a woman’s body — all 4.5 by 3.1 inches of it.
Seems like you’d need giant lady bloomers just to keep it inside your drawers all night, which is one reason you’d need a plastic vibrator in the first place.
A plastic gizmo inside giant lady bloomers doesn’t exactly scream, “Now that’s for me!” And what happens if you sleep on your stomach?
Gary Johnson asked what Aleppo is, but when has ignorance of world affairs disqualified a politician?
Knowing nothing about world affairs never stopped a guy from getting elected president. Take Libertarian presidential candidate Gary Johnson, who finally made news — bad news, but news.
When asked on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” show by Mike Barnicle, “What would you do, if you were elected, about Aleppo?” Johnson said, “And what is Aleppo?” Ah, sir, it’s the center of the Syrian refugee crisis.
Bad moment, but hey, when George W. Bush, the worst President in history, was asked to name the leaders of Chechnya, Taiwan, India and Pakistan, the best he could come up with was “general” and “Lee.” That idiocy didn’t stop Bush from being elected. Is there a hanging chad in Johnson’s future, too?
It’s Fashion Week, again. Izabel Goulart attends Harper’s BAZAAR Icons Ball at The Plaza Hotel on Friday.
(Gilbert Carrasquillo/Getty Images)
SO THIS IS FASHION?
Definition of Fashion Week: An eight-day-long waste in which the freakishly tall strut like the walking dead in clothes no one alive would be caught dead in, at killer prices for the benefit of lethally boring celebs who are paid obscene amounts of dead Presidents just to show up and stay awake.
How much cash are we talking about? Reports indicate that A-list celebs and fashion bloggers can make upward of $ 100,000 a show and up to $ 800,000 if they agree to do photo ops. Not to strut, mind you, just to not smile for the cameras.
No wonder Kanye’s “f—ing important” sweatshirts, to quote Yeezus himself, go for $ 1,800 for the “destroyed” mohair type.
And here I’ve been yelling at my husband for years that he looks like a homeless gym teacher in his hideous, worn-out, should-be-destroyed sweats that are so bad I’m even ashamed to throw them in dumpsters.
Who knew he was actually a fashion icon, and not just a hot mess?
Speaking of hot mess — or, make that haute mess — as usual this year, designers featured ridiculous pricey see-through women’s clothes that were so transparent you’d rip them if you sneezed. Who wears this stuff? Oh right, the Kardashians.
And no hot mess was hotter (literally) than Mr. Kardashian, Kanye himself, and his Yeezy fashion show. In fact, it was such an all-around smoking hot mess that his models actually passed out while waiting outdoors in the heat for nearly two hours past the scheduled showtime for Yeezus to show up.
When they finally started attempting to strut his stuff, their high heels broke, so they ended up staggering and limping like they’d been hobbled.
Time to bag these stupid fashion shows like a bunch of knockoff Birkins.
ADD DUBYA & CHENEY TO THE CRIMINAL LIST
The House passed a bill allowing families of 9/11 victims to sue the Saudis. Great. Try collecting that money. At least our elected officials are finally acknowledging that 15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis — none were Iraqi. Therefore, the families of the soldiers killed and wounded in the illegal war in Iraq should also sue — but they should sue Saudi-loving Bush, little Dick Cheney and every turncoat elected official who voted for that war.
But Congress, like other criminal gangs, protects its own.